I often reflect on the challenges that life gives me. Some challenges I get repeatedly, which makes me believe that the Universe just isn't paying any attention to my personal growth. For instance, the "letting go of control" challenge. I have really gotten pretty good at this (sleep deprivation was a major aid in my growth in this area) but I still run head long into letting go issues. Although now that I am so advanced with this, they are wasted on me.....well, usually.

One of our dogs is dying of some sort of vaginal tumor. It is happening very quickly and of course I am the one who will have to choose the day for her to die and will hold her while the Vet puts her down. I want to do this alone with her. We started out just the two of us 11 years ago (my husband, then boyfriend, and I had separated for a year) and I want her to have my undivided attention at the end.....it is the least I owe her. I know it sounds odd but this death reminds me somewhat of my Mother's illness and death just 5 years ago. The desire to spend quality time with her being superseded by the reality of taking care of her body as it was shutting down. Kalie, our little lab/beagle mix, might just be lucky to be a dog. At least I can choose an end for her and not make her hang out until her body finally gives over. My Mom talked about wanting to die in the end but she had to wait for her very strong heart to stop beating.

Back to the letting go lesson. I guess the challenge here is to enjoy the moment with Kalie and be present for her death which is as valid of an event as her birth.

Allie